I had to watch the Oscars. Was Judi Dench gonna win? Who knew? The suspense was killing me.

As the pre-oscar show rolled on and i watched an interview during which i witnessed Mark wahlberg refer to Martin Scorcese as "Marty" an astonishing 13 times, i felt relieved. He has finally arrived.

I knew as a young man that the true talents of my generation were disguised as over-privileged suberbanite juvenile rappers. Marky Mark and the Fresh Prince have finally proven the truth that i knew all along. To hear Marky so proudly and boldly call the director of "Goodfellas ", and "Taxi Driver", "marty" brought a tear to my eye. this is what oscars are all about. it was gonna be a great night.

To this point, all i knew about the oscar's were this.

1. The Best Supporting Actor always goes to the oldest actor that got fucked his entire career.
2. Joan Rivers is the most hideous woman i've ever seen.
3. Ellen Degeneres would wear some kind of jacket/pants ensemble.
4. Peter O'Toole's name is actually a double penisdrome.
5. A very young child would be nominated and lose.

I could not take this information lightly. To not know your oscar's history is to not know the oscars.

As i drifted off to sleep as the sound mixing oscar was given, a smile crossed my face and i thought i could just check online in the morning to find out if judi dench won.

the end,

scott