sunday morning comin' down...

true dat.

i'll try and keep this post in short, easy-to-read sentences. no more full length paragraphs. i don't want to scare away all my little retards.

seeing how this is sunday, that can only mean one thing.

time for another edition of the church of scott's thoughts...

(huge applause)

please sit down.

gather round children.

if i had a church it would be cool. it wouldn't be like those other fucking churches. fuck that. we would all get there and pass around like a hundred joints and shit. no, like a thousand. yeah, a thousand joints. and then we would listen to "into the mystic" by van morrison like fifteen times and try to figure out what the fuck he's talking about but no one would because that shit is weird man. and we would have like a bad ass choir and shit. it would be like all fat ass black women that sing like aretha and shit and then we wouldn't have no piano player either we would have a bad ass band. and it wouldn't be like a regular band. we would have like 3 lead guitars and 2 bass players and then we would have something cool like a harp. no fuck a harp. an oboe. yeah dude. and an organ player and he would dress up like einstein and would wear a t-shirt that said "shit happens" on it. and we would have 8 drummers. and there would be this one kid that wears a viking helmet and he would play the cymbals.


and then we would have like an old dude that plays the washtub. he would stand on it and pluck a rubber band and shit and there would be this other old dude playing the spoons. his name would be otis. otis would be really cool but he'd be kinda stupid and shit cause he got hit in the head with a rock when he was a kid. but he's still cool though. and then there would be this child prodigy that played the banjo but he wouldn't look like that kid in deliverance. that shit was fucked up. and this kid wouldn't be from the mountains. he'd be from the swamp and everybody would call him swamp boy.

and we wouldn't ask for no money either. fuck that.

we would pass around the offering plate and everyone would put paper airplanes in it. and then at the end we would judge them all on overall design, versatility, hang time, accuracy, distance and some other shit too.

and then we would have like a big screen that came down and we would all watch this movie about bigfoot. and then we'd pass out peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and drink milk. and then there would be this really funny guy that comes up and does and impression of george jefferson and everyone would laugh so hard that the milk comes out there fucking noses and shit. dude, that would be so cool.

and at the end of the church we wouldn't have an altar call or invitation or any shit like that. we'd all make fart noises and say peace out. and then we'd let the kids run up and down the aisles until they got really tired and went to sleep. then we'd break out the booze and get all fucked up. and we wouldn't have to drive either because we'd have this big three story bus driven by this dude named ray and he'd wear one of those rainbow afros and shit and in the bus there would be a t.v. and we'd all watch videos of andre the giant wrestling midgets.

fuck yeah dude.

in jesus name we pray,


scott