i had this really weird dream this morning...

there were tornadoes everywhere and i was outside at a music festival and it was a big family reunion. all of my relatives were there. even my deceased grandmother. i ran over to help her and protect her from the tornadoes approaching. i bent down over her and covered her with my body. i then proceeded to shit all over myself and diarrhea ran all down my legs. she started making fun of me and told everyone to look at me because i shit in my pants. i ran.

i ran forever.

eventually a flood came and was washing everyone away. i found an ice chest and floated on it. i picked up a friend of mine named kyle. ya'll don't know him, but that's not important. anyway, we rode the rapids on our icechest and finally came to rest in a swampy marsh. the water was about ankle deep and there were trees and bushes everywhere. kyle saw snakes. then a giant snake swam right by me. i swatted at him with the icechest and then another snake came out of the trees and slithered down behind me and planted his jaws and fangs right on my neck.
kyle screamed.

then i woke up.

it's been a shitty day ever since.

i have really fucked up dreams all the time. ferrell tells me it's because i'm a tortured genius. i tend to agree with her.

well, i just watched my beloved rangers lose the opener to the angels in a heartbreaker, 3-2. the fucking los angeles angels of anaheim. i don't know if they know this, but i still call them the california angels. fuck em. fucking bartolo colon can suck my dick. i hate him. he looks like a fat zeppo marx.
it's okay though. the rangers are going to win the world series this year and the mavericks are going to win the nba title. you heard it here first.

my friend mcclure always acts like he hates sports and doesn't know anything about them. he'll call me sometimes and ask what i'm doing and i'll tell him, "i'm watching the ranger game." and he'll say, "oh yeah man, i love basketball too."

then that motherfucker goes on ebay and buys baseball cards.

primadonnas.

well anyhoo, i'm off to tulsa tomorrow. luckily, andy pate will be joining me on the trip. i hate driving alone. i hate driving period. i hate period.

i'm really anxious to see skinner and his posse again. it's always fun and educational. he's got great stories. i'm hoping to redeem myself a little too. i didn't do so great there last time. i was nervous and i forgot words and i hate when i do that. i'm gonna try and bring my A game this time. i haven't played solo in a while either. i've been trying to polish up my solo skills today a bit. i hope it works. if not, i'll just get drunk and start cussing like a madman. that usually wins over some fans.


you know why cavemen dragged their women around by the hair?

cuz if they drug them by the legs they'd fill up with dirt.


i love that joke...


"i drink so people won't think i'm a dope fiend." --- kris kristofferson

cya on the outside,

scott