i'm fucking sick of it...

sick of it all..

forgive me. but i'm going to be completely honest. not that i'm not most of the time. i am. really. but this time, i'm going over the top honest. i'm going to bear it all. show my ass. let it all hang out. be blunt. be straight to the point. i'm going to tell the truth so help me god.

my life has been a complete and utter failure to this point. i'm 34 years old. 34 fucking years old and i've accomplished nothing that i said i was gonna do. nothing. nada. zilch. zero.

what am i supposed to think? that it's gonna get better in my late 30's. early 40's. no... it's not scott. you're a fucking failure. you have pissed your life away on booze and pills and pot and every other drug you could get your hands on and now you sit typing away to a few dozen people who somehow think you've got something to offer. well, i'm here to tell you.... i don't. i don't have a goddamn clue. i hate myself most of the time. i would say 90 percent of the time i despise myself. sure, i can make words rhyme. i can come up with a few songs or jot down some random bullshit that will entertain some people for five minutes while they take a shit and then quickly forget it as they wipe their ass. i can play guitar well enough to fool people that don't play the guitar. i can even blow and suck a harmonica well enough to fool non-harmonica players. so what. so fucking what. so what if i could play better that i do now. so what if i wrote a song tonight better than any other song that i've written. it don't make a shit. it doesn't mean anything. don't sit there and kid yourself and think that songwriters are more soulful or more intellectual or more interesting than any other shithead human being. we're not. if anything, we're more egotistical, more self-righteous, more narcissistic, more pathetic, than anyone on earth. we're a loathsome lot. we should be degraded, not praised. shunned, not glorified.

we think that our words and our music are so special that we must share them with the world. that the world must hear what we have to say. that our talent will shine through once the masses hear our brilliant lyrics and poetry.
fuck that. we should be hung.

every goddamn poet worth a shit fucking killed himself or herself of pills or booze or both or some other self-loathing style of suicide. we're fucking pathetic and i'm no different.

any of you can do what i do.... any of you. i mean that.

i have no talent. i have nothing extraordinary. i have nothing.

if you wanna write. then write.
it's that fucking simple. you learn as you go just like any other exercise. you can spend your time on a driving range learning to hit golf balls or you can learn how to be a mechanic or you can learn how to draw cartoon characters or you can learn how to cut hair.... it's all the goddamn same. there's nothing special about writing a goddamn song. just work at it. spend 30 minutes a day trying to write a song. i guarantee you in five years you will have written a few tunes worth a shit. but you know what... it won't make a fucking hill of beans. it won't make a fucking difference at all. at the end of the day, you'll still be a fucking shithead just like you are now.. sure, you may get more pussy. or you may fool some people into thinking that you're a genius.. or you may make a few bucks and get your drinks for free...

but it don't mean shit.

it doesn't mean a fucking thing.

let me tell you something.....

learn this.
hear it.
comprehend it.
store it away somewhere useful.

every fucking songwriter i know thinks he is great.
every fucking guitar player i know thinks he is great.

they're not.

you will be no different.

i'm no different.

fuck this whole entire shithole of an existence.

fuck you...

and fuck this shit forever,

scott