i just got back from the downtown library....

i love it down there. i can spend hours and hours and hours in there and time just passes away effortlessly. i wish the entire world was like a library. when someone talks above a whisper everyone says, "Ssssshhhh". Quiet. that is what i crave. it's not so much all the great books to read as it is the goddamn quiet. why does everyone feel they must make noise and ruin a perfect quiet? chatter. chit chat. smalltalk. bullshit. that is all it is. all the time. no one ever says anything worth saying and yet they keep opening their goddamn mouths and spewing out meaningless noise.

i say this as i type away.....spewing more meaningless bullshit. i'm such a hypocrite.

at least you don't have to hear me talk. you can just read it quietly to yourselves and imagine what i sound like.

if you could hear me......

i just farted.

and then belched.

if there ever comes a day when farts are not funny to me anymore, i am going to kill myself.

i remember one time when i was in fourth grade, we were doing some stretches in gym class and i bent over to touch my toes and i swear to god i farted for 47 seconds. i counted. i don't know if that is a world record or not, but it sure was fucking funny.

so, i saw the ashlee simpson "saturday night live" episode where she was busted for lip syncing and afterwards completely threw her band under a truck and said, "My band started playing the wrong song." what a fucking bitch! how old is she anyway? 12. that still doesn't explain how you were singing the wrong words while the microphone was up against your gut. why is it that ashlee and jessica simpson, or the rascal flatts and keith urban can't die in a helicopter crash? vince neil is still on tour. where is a good heroin overdose when you need one? god can be such a cruel god sometimes.

i wanted to thank bill for coming up with the name "Scott Copeland and the Ballsuckers". my musical genius could not help but recognize the greatness of his name. it's funny to me how bill didn't offer a single band name but can criticize all of my choices. to be honest, i could give a fuck what our name is.

there is something that has been bothering me and i thought i'd get it off my chest...

a woman came up to me the other day at a gig and told me, "Don't say the F word. You don't have to say the F word." she then proceeded to tell ferrell that "i didn't have to say the F word to get attention and that i'll never get to the next level using foul language."

is everyone under the impression that i cuss to get attention or to get to the next level? whatever the fuck the "next level" means.

there's another woman, i won't say her name, who absolutely despises me and yet she always says hi and smiles when she sees me. now, you may ask, "how do you know she despises you, scott?" well, the answer is very simple. at least five of my friends in the biz have told me she told them how much she hates me and that i'm a disgrace. a disgrace.

i've got news for all of you, if you ever hang around me in real life......

there's a one hundred percent chance you are gonna hear a few F bombs. probably a few GD's and cocksuckers too. i don't do it for attention or to get to some next level that doesn't even exist. i do it because i love to cuss. i fucking goddamn love it. okay fine.

it is possible for me to curtail my cussing. i do it around children all the time. well, maybe not all the time, but let's say most of the time.

someone please tell steve earle he will never make it to the next level.
and bill hicks.
and richard pryor.
and dave chapelle.
and eminem.
and snoop dogg.
and david allan coe.
and on and on and on and on.

what i find to be most hypocritical is the artists out there who cuss like sailors backstage and then get on stage and become straight arrow preachers. i use the word artist very loosely.

i fucking hate that word. "artist".

"So you're an artist, huh? Well, why don't you paint my fucking house." ---gene simmons.

there's so many books called:

The Art of War
The Art of Happiness
The Art of Love
The Art of Music
The Art of Science
The Art of This and The Art of That

how about "The Art of Farts"? now there's a goddamn book i'd read.

i'm so sick of the word 'artists' i could jam an icepick into my eye socket. toby keith was "Artist of the Year" for christ's sake. if that doesn't ruin the word altogether then i don't know what does.

Let me give you some real artists....

Van Gogh......died broke and earless
Edgar Allan Poe.....dead in his forties, broke from gambling and drinking.
hank williams.....dead at 29 drunk and pilled
jimi hendrix.....dead at 27 overdose
melville......drowned drunk
jackson pollack.......died drunk in a car crash

artists don't fucking win awards... they die drunk and broke.

okay fine.....

artists don't do fucking commercials either. i think i already covered that enough.

anyway, i needed to get some shit off my chest.

and out of my ass.....

word to your mother,

scott