gather round, gather round....

it is time yet again for another edition of the wonderfully popular and critically acclaimed scott's thoughts. (pause for eruption of applause)

i want to thank all of you for being here today. i love each and everyone of you and i wish we could all have a big group hug right now.

but that is not possible so fuck it.

i gotta give a shout out to my uncle robert who turns fifty tomorrow. the big five-o. that is really fucked up.

i hope i'm as cool as my uncle when i'm fifty.

robert looks like bob seger.

a couple of times my brother and i have convinced people that he is bob seger.

if you want to get a really good record. go get "Return of the Grievous Angel : a tribute to gram parsons" that shit is the bomb yo. anything associated with emmylou harris is top shelf. one of these days emmylou harris is gonna sing on my record. i hear you laughing.

yeah, just keep laughing motherfucker.

don't let 'em get you down, scott. fuck 'em.

you'll all be like, "hey scott, i read your thoughts all the time and i have all your cd's and i'm a really big fan. would you please sign my shirt" and shit. and i'll be like, "sorry, i'm going to hang out with emmylou harris, motherfucker. eat a bag of shit."

you gotta have dreams.

what else?

how 'bout them texas rangers? back in first where they belong. those little bastards don't even know they're supposed to suck. they think they're fucking good and shit. i love that.

for anyone that is interested....

i will be at fred's cafe this saturday. on the patio... randy langley will be with me and we're starting at 8:00. cool people only please.. it's free.

won't you scratch my itch, sweet annie rich.


30 minutes later......

alright alright alright.

i have some important news. the shuttle has landed. boarding time is 4:20 today. hopefully, i'll see you all there. no baggage allowed.

i used to love that show "Quantam Leap". i saw one where he jumped into elvis presley's body in 1955. it was cool. i wrote several storylines for "quantam leap" but never sent them in. i think my scripts were a little ahead of their time.

in one episode, the main character leaps into the body of ron goldman. he takes a gun to the scene and shoots an intruder point blank in the face and in the last scene the mask is removed and o.j. simpson lie dead with a bullet between the eyes.

the end.

in another episode, he leaps into the body of john f. kennedy as marilyn monroe is blowing him. he later learns of his future assassination and plans to foil the attempt by ducking at the precise time and hiding a machine gun in the floorboard. he comes up firing in the grassy knoll and kills three armed men wearing suspiciously nice shoes.

the end.

in the season finale, scott bakula leaps into the body of adolf hitler. world war 2 has already been put into motion. our hero puts a gun in his mouth and fires a bullet through his brain and virtually ends the nazi regime by leaving a letter saying that he is insane and a child molestor.

the end.

like i said, a little ahead of it's time.

well, i'm gonna go eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

glass of milk and some sour cream and onion pringles.

remind me to tell you about my plan to end world hunger with peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

happy birthday, robert.....

scott