do not kid yourself.

i am not as cool as i seem.

i know sometimes people get the wrong impression of me and believe me to be some kind of a god. not the god, but just a god. i want to assure all of you that i am not a god or the god. i am just a man. although, incredibly brilliant and handsome and superior to most humans.....i am still just a man. flesh and blood.

a man who does like the occasional dick joke.
a man who has probably watched to much porn in his life.
a man who is a convicted felon with a known history of public drunkenness.

so please, do not worship me.

as much as i would like to do good on this earth, my hatred of humanity keeps me from doing so. i have been known to cry in movies or listening to ray charles recordings, but 95% of my time is spent despising the human race and it's catastrophic stupidity. my only solace is that i was born into a country where a sense of humor is appreciated and often a profession.

"why i'm proud to be an american"

by scott copeland

mark twain was broke and miserable at the end of his life and everyone around him had died. the president of the united states took care of him.

mark twain did nothing but drink and write and point out the obvious.

i love that.

if you were to name the funniest men of all time, at least 9 of the top ten are americans.

other countries are not funny.

the united states of america is funny.

and that is why i'm proud to be an american....


okay, i think that essay sucked. i could have done better had i known what the fuck i was going to say before i said it. but i didn't, but i did it anyway.

van morrison is blasting.

30 minutes later.....

watermelon watermelon watermelon rine.

you people make me sick.

i had to go throw up because you people turned my stomach with your ignorance.

ignorance is bliss....

bullshit, ignorance is rampant.

god, i hate you.

no, i'm just kidding. i'm full of love and happiness and have peace of mind knowing that the world is gonna be taken care of properly. we are in such good hands. i have so much trust in the bush family and in vice-warmonger, dick cheney. they are such good people. we have nothing to fear.

i'm gonna go out on a limb here and make a prediction.

our new commander-in-chief is gonna be john kerry.

bet the farm.

what else.....

susan gibson taught me this new tuning and it's really fucking with my mind.

30 minutes later.....

it's a marvelous night for a moondance.

anyway.......

i guess i'm outta shit to say today. maybe in may when the skies turn gray.
or in a stack of hay with a girl named kay. or ridin' down the freeway listenin' to the deejay.
or in tampa bay watching a devil ray. or watchin' a play that's gay. or on a tray that's gone astray. or on a delay in santa fe. or when the d.a. says okay. or when we are a game away from the oakland a's........,


but not today,

scott

top five funniest men of all-time

1. bill hicks
2. steve martin
3. richard pryor
4. lenny bruce
5. george carlin

p.s. robin williams gets on my nerves.