yes indeed.

it is time once again for another beloved installment of the church of scott's thoughts. thanks for coming.

there is so much i've been wanting to say, but just couldn't quite put to words. i seriously doubt i can put it to words now. fuck it.

i like to read the sports section every sunday and i've always felt like i would have been a great sports writer. i would have my own column each week and get to go to all the bad ass games and shit. i have recently read several columns by randy galloway, newy scruggs, and a bunch of other idiots who are of the opinion we should trade dirk for shaq.

here would be my column:

"Dirk for Shaq? no fucking way, bitch.

i would gladly take on shaquille o'neal, but the allure of him is how he would play with dirk. okay fine. do we all understand that? do i really need to remind you that dirk has won as many championships in the last two years as shaq? or that shaq couldn't win a championship with kobe, the mailman, and gary payton on his team? or that shaq is 32 and has maybe 4 good years left and that dirk is 26 and not even yet aware of how awesome he can be. please, mr. cuban, don't believe the hype.
the only point of acquiring shaq is to pair him with dirk. it would be the most unstoppable force in nba history and we all know it.
also, no one seems to remember we were two games away from winning the nba championship two years ago when dirk got hurt and we lost the final two games to san antonio or that we could have easily beaten the champion detroit pistons this year. we would have scored over a hundred five times. or that we had the best home record in all of basketball. please mr. cuban. be loyal. dirk is untouchable. he is the franchise. the saviour. the alpha and omega. he brought us back from the depths of hell. don't destroy him. nurture him. he's gonna make you proud one day. i promise.

i stole that last part from "Scent of a Woman".

oh well, fuck it.

maybe i wouldn't have been such a great sports writer.

here would be my top five favorite jobs.

1. Songwriter/Cult legend
2. PGA Tour Professional
3. Writer for Saturday Night Live
4. Bar Owner
5. Owner of the Texas Rangers

as you can see, i'm still shooting for my number one choice.

thirty minutes later.....

here's some news for you fools.

i will be in norman at the deli tomorrow filling in for travis linville. i haven't updated my show dates page in a while. partly, because i don't have any gigs and partly because i'm a lazy fuck. anyway, i hope you all show up tomorrow. i'll have some bignoggan t-shirts with me. if any of you would like a t-shirt, then you need to email me at bignoggan@yahoo.com or you can wait until i get it up on the webpage and available on paypal. whatever.

alright. enough of that shit.

"the mississippi river is shining like a national guitar.
i am following the river down the highway thru the cradle of the civil war.
i'm going to graceland, graceland memphis, tennessee
i'm going to graceland." ---p.simon

great record. perfect for sunday mornings.

"there's a girl in New York City who calls herself the human trampoline.
And sometimes when i'm falling, flying or tumbling in the turmoil
i say, Oh, this is what she means." --p.simon

i love that shit.

i wanted to thank zac for reminding me of the "Welcome Back Kotter" theme song. i don't know how i forgot that one. it still isn't better than "Sanford and Son".

my newly revised top five tv sitcom theme songs.

1. Sanford and Son
2. Welcome Back Kotter
3. Cheers
4. Barney Miller
5. The Jeffersons

pause for some guitar strumming.....

hey hey we're the monkees.

pause for more guitar strumming...

cause i'm a man. that's spelled m a-child.

forget about all that macho shit and learn how to play guitar.

so, let's talk some religion.

nevermind.

i was thinking the other day about george w. bush. the prez.
he has got to be quite possibly the worst president of all-time. i guess you could make an argument for nixon or carter, but my vote goes with g dub. i really think that all presidential candidates' i.q.'s should be made public. we find out everything else about them, why not their intelligence? i guarantee you g-dub would have the lowest i.q. in the history of the presidency of the united states. bar none. i have a serious problem with that. call me kooky.

here is a portion of an argument i had with a woman who was a bush sympathizer.

her: "okay, i admit that bush is not a good public speaker, but why is that important?"

me: "i don't know. because he's the leader of the free world."

or people that say, "he's real. he's one of us. he's a common man."

yeah, a common man who was raised by the director of the c.i.a., vice-president and president of the united states. fucking fools.

anyways,

scott