i'm never drinking again...

okay, maybe for a month.

okay, maybe until thursday.

i feel like warmed over dog shit. i had fun, but i don't know if i had enough fun to warrant suffering through this misery.

here is a note to myself in case i forget.

scott, if you are reading this.....

remember...

1. you are not 21 anymore.
2. always take a nap when possible
3. do not mix different liquors....ever.
4. do not drink natural light.
5. eat regularly
6. always get at least 8 hours of sleep
7. do not mix wine and beer.
8. if you realize that you are too drunk to talk.....don't.
9. do not play "Cuntry Girl" in songswap with grammy winners.
10. and most importantly, always bring plenty of underwear.

shit, man.

so, phil got second. now, a lot of people are probably saying that he's back to his original self and choking down the stretch at another major championship. i would like to make a dissenting opinion to this notion in my open letter to phil mickelson. please bare with me.

Dear Phil,

my name is scott copeland and i would like to tell you how proud i am of you. you are one of the classiest athletes to ever play competitive sports. i know you are probably dissappointed to be second in the u.s. open for the third time, but don't dwell on the negative. you shot one over par in the final round of the championship when the average score was 80. you played your fucking ass off and you can tell anyone to fucking shove it straight up their ass if they say differently. if you don't mind, let me quote the great theodore roosevelt.

"Far better it is to dare mighty things than to take rank with those poor timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat." ----teddy

amen.

phil, you are to be commended as a human being. you speak to the media with dignity and intelligence in victory and defeat. you are what golf is all about and you are a true hero. i wish there were more of you.

here are a few things i want you to remember if you get down.

1. ernie els shot an 80 in the final group.
2. you kicked tiger woods ass again.
3. 14 u.s. opens 13 cuts made.
4. fucking retief made everything he looked at.
5. you are the most beloved golfer in the game.

mr. mickelson, in conclusion, i would like to thank you for giving me another exciting chance to root for you in a major championship on a sunday afternoon. you are a true competitor and i love you.

sincerely,

scott w. copeland

p.s. please don't do anymore commercials with toby keith. thank you.


thirty minutes later....

i think i'm about to try and eat something. i hope i don't throw up. i hate vomiting.

i wanted to thank everyone for being so nice to me in tahlequah. i really do appreciate it. thanks to mac for having me.

hopefully soon i'll be getting my schedule updated and get the bignoggan t-shirts up for sale. they finally arrived. ya'll be cool.

word,

scott