hola, como esta?

my mother is a spanish teacher in high school. she's retiring next year. i bet she starts calling me all the time and wanting to go to matinees and shit. she likes the movies. she likes to smoke cigarettes and sit on her back porch and think. she likes to read. she doesn't like other people to bother her. she likes to drink red wine and she likes beer.

my mother has panic attacks on elevators. one time she went to six flags with my brother and i, and she wouldn't ride a single ride. we finally talked her into getting on the "Conquistador" because it wasn't scary. after being locked down in her seat, she began screaming hysterically and completely freaked out until the operator let her out. good times.

that reminds me of another story from my childhood.....

when i was around twelve years old and my brother was nine or so, we lived on the second floor of an apartment complex. there was a parking lot in the back and a creek just beyond it. the parking lot dropped off 20 or 30 feet down to the creek which only had a couple of feet of water in it.

anyway, my brother and i were playing "Evil Knieval" on our bicycles. the game was played like "HORSE". when a stunt was successfully completed, it had to be matched by the opponent. for my first stunt, i went pedalling as fast as i could towards the dropoff, and then went into a sideskid and stopped just inches from the edge. my brother, mark, was too scared to try it, but i vehemently insisted. i told him i would go down to the creek and catch him if he went over the edge. yeah right.

his backspoke hit a tree stump just yards from the edge of the dropoff, and sent him flying over the top of the handlebars headfirst to the bottom of the creek. he went over the top of my head and stuck in about a foot of water and mud with his legs kicking in the air. i ran down to him and pulled him out by the pantlegs. my mother saw all of this transpire from her smoking spot on the back balcony. she almost jumped over the railing, but then realized she'd probably break both of her legs. luckily, my brother lived. he's a little fucked up, though.

we never got to play "Evil Knieval" again.....


i wanted to congratulate shayne brooks on winning the "Why I"m Cool" essay contest.

she won on her wonderfully written work entitled:

"Why I'm Cool"

by: Shayne Brooks


Because I am and I have a nice rack.


absolutely fucking brilliant work, shayne. you will receive your prize in the mail soon. hopefully, i'll come up with another contest in the near future for the rest of you. for those of you who entered this contest and didn't win, keep your head up and keep up the good work.

i lost a couple of posts yesterday and if i lose this motherfucker i'm gonna kill some motherfuckers and shit.

well, i'll let you fools go. i'm gonna eat some french toast. syrup and powdered sugar. fuck yeah.

jump back and kiss yourself,

scott