good morning and welcome once again the almighty church of scott's thoughts.....

i'm glad you could all make it.

please bow your head for the prayer.....

dear god,
please let phil mickelson win today at the bob hope chrysler classic. he deserves it. also, can you make my back stop hurting? okay fine. please look out for all the loyal members of scott's thoughts church and make sure they stand strong in their fight against stupidity and ridiculousness. bless this food to the nourishment of our bodies.

alright then.

thanks for coming to church this morning. i wanted all of you to know that god told me he was gonna kill all of you if you don't send me eight million dollars. the offering plates are coming around. dig deep people. your very lives depend on it.

now, i wanted to remind you that the super bowl is coming up next weekend and that i correctly predicted the patriots to be in it. i also predicted them to be victorious. here is the final score for your wagering oppurtunities:

Patriots 20
Carolina 10

alright then.

since it's sunday i will share one of my favorite stories from the bible. it is in Acts 5. the story of ananias and sapphira.

"There was also a man named Ananias who, with his wife, Sapphira, sold some property. He brought part of the money to the apostles, but he claimed it was the full amount. His wife had agreed to this deception.
Then Peter said, "Ananias, why has Satan filled your heart? You lied to the Holy Spirit, and you kept some of the money for yourself. The property was yours to sell or not sell, as you wished. And after selling it, the money was yours to give away. How could you do a thing like this? You weren't lying to us, but to God.
As soon as Ananias heard these words, he fell to the floor and died.......

About 3 hours later his wife came in, not knowing what had happened. Peter asked her, "Was this the price you and your husband received for your land?"
"Yes," she replied, "that was the price".
And Peter said, "How could the two of you even think of doing a thing like this.....conspiring together to test the spirit of the Lord. Just outside the door are the young men who buried your husband and they will carry you out, too.
Instantly, she fell to the floor and died......
Great fear gripped the entire church and all others who heard what happened."


what a cute little story, huh?

the obvious moral of this story is........

Give all your money to the church or you will die. Amen.


see ya later,

scott