alright........

it's been a while and i'm sorry for not posting all week, but i really haven't had much to say. i've been doing a lot of just sitting around and staring at walls without a thought one. i really need those times and sometimes they don't seem to come often enough. other than that, i really don't have a good excuse. i hope you will all forgive me. i don't want to disappoint you guys.

yeah whatever.

so, i was incredibly wrong about my bedlam game prediction. ou absolutely pulled our pants down and broke one off in that ass. they probably went and celebrated their decisive victory by gangraping a few coed's and shooting off their 9 millimeters in the dorms. they have to blow off some steam somehow.

however, i was right once again in my pro pick. the giants covered by one point and pushed me to 5-1 on the year. i should probably move to vegas and become a professional handicapper. i don't how you get one of those jobs and i don't really have any mafia connections.........yet.

my pick for this week is the tampa bay buccaneers. give up the field goal to carolina. after their loss to new orleans saints, the bucs will come out and kick some major ass like the defending super bowl champions that they are. good luck and happy wagering. if you would have bet 100 bucks on each of my pro picks you would be up 390 dollars. not to shabby...... i bet none of you motherfuckers have though.

what else.......

i'm playing the wreck room here in a few hours and scott boland is on his way here. he is gonna play a few gigs with me over the next week and half or so before we go into the studio on the 17th. i'm very excited and looking forward to seeing him. it's always inspirational. i saw mcclure last tuesday in denton and got to spend quite a bit of time with him and he's gonna try and set us up an opening slot in stillwater this saturday at the wormy dog concert hall. it would be a big help seeing that we're going to amarillo tomorrow and don't have anything to do on saturday before we go to tulsa and the red dirt music awards. it'll save a lot of unnecessary drive time. i don't what i'd do without having mcclure on my side. he has always gone out of his way to help me out and i doubt i can ever repay him. he is a true loyal friend and those are hard to come by these days. thanks mac.

amarillo will no doubt be a blast no matter how many fuckers show up. i'll have scott boland on one side and the greatness of gary wayne the drain on my brain on the other. how can i not have fun? yeah, that's what i thought. i'm looking forward to that show and i hardly ever look forward to anything. i hope to see some of you guys out.

i'm kinda anxious to see what kind of a clusterfuck the red dirt music awards is gonna be like. i know josh and marc have worked hard on this project and i hope it pays off for them. i wouldn't be surprised if it was tremendous success, but i also wouldn't be surprised if a few fistfights broke out. the only thing i know for sure is that i won't win a motherfucking thing. i believe i'm presenting an award and i'm playing a few songs somewhere near the end of the program. i don't know why they're saving me for the end. i guess they don't know that i like to drink a lot when i'm in a room full of people. oh well..........that's their problem.

so, i watched quite a bit of the CMT music awards last night and, oh my god, what the fuck.......... george strait did a song called, "Honk if YOu're Honky-tonk". what the fuck happened to you george? i'm ashamed for you. i was eating a frozen pizza and i almost sliced my own throat with a pizza cutter during that song.........
they did this tribute to johnny cash and hank jr. sang a verse of "Ring of Fire" and couldn't quit grabbing the side of his face and rubbing his nose. he was tweeking his balls off on national t.v.. that was definitely the highlight of the show for me. i saw dirk bentley, or whatever his name is, wearing a cross canadian ragweed t-shirt on there as well. i thought it would have been cool if willie nelson wore a bignoggan shirt. he's about the only one there that i would allow to put on one of my shirts. except maybe sheryl crow....but i've lost a little respect for her since she fucked kid rock. how do you go from eric clapton to kid rock? she must have been in the mood to be in a relationship in which she was the most talented or something. i don't know how else to explain it.

the fucking rascal flatts won group of the year and performed their hit song, "I Melt". i wish they would melt. i wish their faces would melt right in front of me into a big sludgy pile of soulless, talentless goo. that would be cool. you've gotta have dreams.

the only good thing about the whole show was that toby keith didn't win male vocalist or entertainer of the year. i guess there is a god after all. i also saw that "Beer for my Horses" is up for music video of the year. did i miss a fucking meeting or something? goddamn. that's the most insulting piece of shit i've ever seen. what is wrong with you people? country music has gone straight to hell and hank williams is rolling over in his grave and everyone is clapping while shania twain and kenny chesney piss on it. someone needs to do something quick.

joe nichols won "the horizon award" for best newcomer. she only smokes when she drinks. are you fucking kidding me, joe? she only smokes when she drinks and she only drinks when she fucking has to listen to your annoying motherfucking ass. goddamn, i had to go swig down a few shots of tequila to keep from vomiting on myself.

vince gill, who is definitely one of the few real talents left in nashville, was probably the worst host i've ever seen. i felt sorry for him as he fucked up almost every joke on the teleprompter. they should have just let him play his guitar on the breaks. he looked stoned to the bone, but then again, he always looks stoned.

i'm not gonna talk about the awards show anymore. i'll only work myself up into a mad frenzy and that won't do any of us any good. i promise. besides i've got a show to do and i don't want any of their ridiculousness rubbing off on me.

i hate it when people tell me, "yeah, i bet you wish you would have written, "Honk if YOu're honky tonk" or "She thinks my tractor's sexy". you'd be rich now.

first of all, i'm not a whore.
secondly, i have a sense of humor.
thirdly, fuck you and everyone who looks like you.

okay enough of that shit.

all rise. the omnipotent king bignoggan will answer a question from the peasants. it is from lacyseeker and she wanted some suggestions for reading material.

"Thank you lacyseeker. i'm glad to know that some of my loyal constituents are readers and are searching for enlightenment and knowledge instead of watching "cops" reruns.

i'll be happy to suggest some books for your reading pleasure. i just finished, "Tortilla Flats" by john steinbeck and it was an interesting and entertaining read. if you are into non-fiction, i would suggest "Down the Highway". it's a biography of bob dylan written by howard sounnes. it is very well-written and well-researched and he doesn't kiss ass in it like most dylan biographers do.

if you are looking for something to read during long shits. i would recommend some books of poetry by charles bukowski. my favorites are "The Roominghouse Madrigals" and "All the Assholes in the World and mine" and "Poems Written before Jumping out of an 8 Story Window".

i hope that is sufficient. Bukowski is generally hard to find, but Barnes and Noble usually carry most of his poetry books. "

you may sit. the all-knowing and ever-cool king bignoggan has spoken and has left the building.

lately, i've been asked to define "red dirt music".

i guess i could give the standard, "it's honest, real, gritty, truthful and all that shit."

here is my honest, real, gritty and truthful answer though, "it's music written by people who have spent a little time in stillwater, ok, and usually has a G chord in it somewhere and capos are used often."

so yesterday, i went out to eat with ferrell and her sisters and we went to this asian stir-fry place called "Big Bowl". it was pretty good, but i had a few thoughts on waiters and waitresses while i was there. we had this waiter who just annoyed the fuck out of me and i thought i would include some tips on how to be a good waiter on my thoughts page. that way if any of you are waiters or waitresses and ever get to serve me, you will know how to get the maximum tip.

here they are:

1. Do not talk unless i ask you a question
2. I don't care what your name is
3. Keep my fucking water full
4. Always write down my order. i hate fucking waiters who think they are so bad ass that they can remember it all. they no doubt, fuck my order up everytime. even if you can remember it all, write it down to make me feel better.
5. Don't ask me if i saved room for dessert. if i want a dessert i'll let you fucking know.
6. keep my fucking water full, goddamnit. or just bring me a goddamn pitcher.
7. do not ever squat down beside me.
8. and finally, if i ask if i can substitute something. you just say, "yes sir. anything you want."

i hope this helps you guys.

well, i'm gonna go take a shower and wash off the funk of the day and take the browns to the super bowl. they're really fired up.

oh by the way. try out the new cinnamon rush toothpaste by crest. it's fucking great.

alright then........

be cool,

like me,

okay, i will.

scott