hello people,

what the fuck is up? shit, man.

i'm just listening to the new robert earl keen record, "farm fresh onions". i'm about half way through it and i dig it so far. i generally dig all of his stuff.

i played in a golf tournament yesterday in dallas, and on the way over there we saw several wrecks on the highway, and this got me to thinking.

i have a proposal to end all traffic related deaths and wrecks. it is sort of radical, but believe me, it would work. to start with, the speed limit is 20 mph everywhere. secondly, there would be no cops to enforce the speed limit law. at certain intervals we would hide radars and install machine guns, and for every mile an hour any car is traveling over the speed limit, that many rounds are fired at it. for example, if you are traveling at 35 miles an hour, you will have 15 bullets fired at your vehicle.

with my new plan, not only would we end all traffic wrecks, we could cut out the police department altogether. except maybe homicide detectives. most policeman are just ticket writers, anyway. furthermore, with all the tax money we save from cutting out traffic police, we could form a department of yellow cabs in the government. we could pay our cab drivers 250,000 dollars a year and they only have to work 25 hours a week and get two months off a year. of course, they would have to be excellent drivers and would have to work every single holiday in which they would receive an additional 100,000 dollar bonus at the end of the year. the yellow cabs would have a chip installed that allowed them to bypass the radars and not be fired upon by the machine guns, and therefore would be able to travel at a faster speed. we could have "backing the yellow" stickers put up everywhere and shit. it would be great. also, the cost of a cab would drop dramatically because of the government funding that would be generated from our taxes.

my plan still has a few glitches in it, but i'm working on them as we speak. so have no fear. for all of you who are wondering, "scott, i like to drive fast. what about me?". well, i've thought of this. that is where west texas and new mexico come into play. everything west of wichita falls and east of flagstaff are like the fucking autobahn. you can drive as fast as humanly possible. the only problem is that if you are in a wreck, there will be no funeral service or anything like that because on the sides of the highway there will be a giant ditch dug and powerful car compactor installed, and twice a day the roads will be swept of all debris and all of it will be swept into the ditch and crushed.

just an idea. i have too much free time.

for anyone who was considering going to my gig tonight at mchenry's,..........don't. it has been cancelled and will be rescheduled sometime in november. they are in the process of moving their location. i doubt any of you fuckers were going to go anyway. okay, took care of that.

well, my friend carey wolff is getting married on saturday. he is the lead singer of woodeye and they recently put out a new record which is very good. it's called "such sweet sorrow". or something like that. i don't have it in front of me right now. i'm very happy for him, but i don't believe in marriage. i think we should do away with it altogether. it's all part of my proposal to cut the divorce rate down to zero.

marriage is a ridiculous concept anyway that only honors the woman and i'm sick of it. why does the bride get treated like royalty at weddings and the man is looked upon as some lucky sap that should feel fortunate to even be in her presence? well fuck that.

ending the institution of marriage would also help the gays. then they would have no reason to be fighting for their right to get married. it's only for tax purposes, anyway. it would also help to control all the gold digging bitches out there, and encourage them to form their own life. there would be no more fucked up shows like "joe millionaire" and "the bachelor", either. they are sick, twisted, perverted shows that should be abolished. okay, enough of that shit. i think you all get my point. jesus wasn't married...............think about it.

alright fools. i've gotta get some stuff done today. i'm supposed to go to the movies with my mother. she loves her god-hating, egomaniacal, shock jock pseudo intellectual raging alcoholic.

at least someone does,

okely dokely neighbors,

in the morning when you wake i'll be gone,

scott