whaddup and shit,

i just got back from my first day of community service. it wasn't that bad actually. only 134 more hours to go....

fuck.

this shit is really going to cut into my meditation time....

well, what can i talk about today? so much time, so little to say.

i'm listening to john prine on the stereo right now. i really love him. one of the finest writers of all-time. the man can really turn a phrase. for all you would-be writers out there, i highly recommend listening to some john prine and studying his lyrics. he can't help but benefit you, if you listen.

here's a little lesson in scottcopeland 101, because i know some of you fancy yourselves writers and i want to help you along in your craft as much as possible.

first off, if someone is singing a song that you've never heard and you know what the next line is......then the line sucks balls. okay, fine.

the entire objective of writing is to say something with each and every line. you set up a line and then "turn the phrase". ask yourself with every stanza, "Am i turning the phrase?". if the answer is no, the chances are you suck as a writer and should go back to your day job.

here's another thing.....and i hope you take this seriously.

avoid rhyming much and touch, love and thinking of, you and blue, and kiss and miss. those are all shitty ass rhymes that any second grader can come up with. also, never use stupid ass metaphors like "her eyes were as blue as the deep blue sea", or "her hair was black as night", or "her skin was smooth as silk". those are all gigantic signals that you are a suck ass writer.
come up with your own metaphors and similes. for example, instead of aforementioned metaphors, use "her eyes were as blue as a cloudless summer day in Mexico", or "her hair was as black as a widow's dress", or "her skin was as smooth as aged old scotch".

those are just off the top of my head, but i think you get the point. don't be a pussy with your metaphors and similes....they define your writing and i don't think you wanna be defined as a pussy.

"There's a hole in daddy's arm where all the money goes. Jesus Christ died for nothin', i suppose."

that's john prine, dude. that's a heavy fucking line right there. i think about that line a lot and strive to reach that high. it's hard, but if you're not trying to be the best then what's the fucking point.

here's my top-five favorite songwriters in order:

1. Bob Dylan
2. Kris Kristofferson
3. Willie Nelson
4. John Prine
5. Townes Van Zandt

there may be someone i'm forgetting, but that's pretty fucking close. if you're aspiring to be a songwriter, the first thing you need to do, is make sure you pick out great role models. everything in songwriting is either borrowed or stolen. period.

okay, enough of teaching for the day. i don't even know why i feel the need to teach about writing..........

oh yeah, i do. it's because i'm bad ass and i've heard so many terds of songs, that i'm taking it upon myself to try and rid the world of shitty ass lyrics. it's gonna be a hard job, but with all your help i think we can at least stop the bleeding.

i saw on the egroup that toilet paper would be the product i'd most likely endorse. probably.....
it would have to be SCOTT tissue, though. i can see the commercial now.

(Me sitting on the toilet)

"hi, i'm scott copeland and when i'm done taking the browns to the super bowl, i wipe my ass with SCOTT tissue. it really gets the rid of the shit good. word. and there's no leftover dingleberries and shit."

there's your catch phase, "SCOTT tissue ---it gets rid of the shit good, for real dough"

well peeps, i'm audi 5000 G.

gotta get mentally prepared for the wreck room tonight. there's no telling what'll happen and i've got to be ready for anything.

take it deep,

scott