so.....

i'm sitting on my porch this morning playing my guitar and these two kids walk by the house throwing a football back and forth. they stopped and listened to me play the guitar for a while. i was playing "helpless" by neil young and i was playing a little harmonica too......anyway, this one kid, who must of been all of about 11 years old, says, " Hey, can i tell you something?".

"yeah, sure kid", i replied.

"you suck..... no really, you suck real bad", he profoundly stated.

"thank you", i said as i flipped him off with both hands.

i love kids....


anyway, i wasn't going to post today but i've been having some revelations this morning. the stars are lining up and the sky is open wide. come on everybody, let's take a mystery ride......

woooooo woooooo.

that was supposed to sound like a train....

so i finished a song today. i've had it on the back burner now for about 3 years and it's finally done. amen. i love it when i hear songwriters get asked, "how long did it take you to write that one?", and they respond by saying," it took me 10 years to write this one.".....10 fucking years...... "that song must suck......no really, that song must suck real bad."

fuck you kid.

so this morning i realized why i'm so fucked up........it's all my parents fault.

now, you're probably thinking, "oh scott, you're just saying that because everybody says their family was dysfuntional."

well, you are right. i feel like i'm being a pussy by blaming everything on my parents, but i can assure you in this case, my parents really did fuck me up. i still love them both immensely, but they used me as some sort of an experimental test case on a brand new form of childrearing........and it has failed horribly.

i don't hold it against them, though. they were young and shit.

i had this idea the other day....

i think at the end of one year, i'm going to bound up all of my thoughts and sell them in "Scott's Thoughts Vol. 1 2003". i'll sell those motherfuckers at shows for like ten bucks and shit and then i'll put some of my cool ass stick figure drawings in there too. fucking a dude. this is gonna be bad ass.

fuck man, i still gotta finish that movie too. i'm a fucking workaholic dude.

well, i'm going to a private party in mingis, tx. later on this afternoon. too bad none of you motherfuckers get to go. not to worry though, one day soon you too will be as cool as me. i could be selfish and not share my coolness with the world, but i'm not like that. i'm a tender and generous soul and i want to make the world a better place by teaching coolness.

i remember my father and i were talking about the bible and i was saying that the bible was written by man and therefore should be read accordingly. anyway, this kinda pissed him off and he said, "well, why don't you write a bible and see how many people give a shit".

okay, i will.

that is actually where the title to "Dig your Deal" came from. that is the first Commandment in the first book in the gospel according to scott.

the first three commandments are:

1. Dig your Deal
2. Keep it Real
3. Don't be a Dick


that's all i have right now, but i think if we all live by those guidelines everything will be cool.

for example, here is what i think we as a world should strive for:

to achieve unconditional world peace and to completely end starvation forever.

it really shouldn't be that hard.

i want everyone to know one thing though. i am not a god, or an angel, or a prophet, or a holy man as i'm sure most of you have thought. i am just a common man who happens to be just a little ahead of the rest of you dumbasses. okay then.

well, i guess king bignoggan will address one question today.

i forgot who asked, but someone wanted to know my thoughts on Jerry Seinfeld.

first off, i love the sitcom, "Seinfeld". it is in my top three.

secondly, i love his stand-up and his take on the world.

thirdly, i appreciate the fact that he doesn't cuss in his act, but i think he would be a helluva lot more funny if he did. After watching a lot of "Curb Your Enthusiasm", it has become apparent why "Seinfeld" was so good.
Motherfucking Larry David. word.

and finally, i love the fact that he quit his sitcom when it was on top. he turned down millions of dollars and just said, "no, fuck you". he could have kept going and going like "Frazier" and "Cheers" until he just beat it to death, but he chose to walk out on his own terms. that's fucking cool. i look for him now to just come out with new stuff every couple of years or so, and the rest of time he will be banging his new hot wife and spending as much money as he possibly can.

true success story, indeed.

i hope that has answered your question.
thank you for submitting one for consideration.

alright people,

i've gotta take a shit, shower, and shave.

ya'll behave,

scott