another day of poison ivy on my balls slowly winding down....

i had this idea yesterday....

i forgot it though.

i should have written it down in my hulk spiral. it's hard to keep up with my ideas and thoughts sometimes. they come at me from every angle and i can't decipher which ones are worthy of writing down so i usually end up just drinking beer until they go away.

i fucking hate wal-mart. those are some evil fucks. they are trying to take over the world and no one is doing anything about it. they have already run off every mom and pop store from here to china. it's so sad to see those old people who 'greet' you at the door. you know those are the same old people who just lost their store because wal-mart opened up right across the street and low-balled the shit out of them until they went under and then wal-mart raised their prices back up as soon as they had complete control of the town. now, they're making seven dollars an hour putting on their sad fake smiles as they roll you a shopping cart that you can fill up with items made in taiwan in some sweat shop by 4 year olds for 22 cents a day. fuck 'em. fuck home depot too. i worked for both of those evil companies before and now it is all up to me to end their fascist regimes. join me.

i got fired from home depot. it really broke my heart. actually they called it a RIF. reduction in force. i worked outside loading up customers trucks with shingles and concrete and fence panels and shit, and they told me i could work the rest of the day if i wanted so i did. i think i gave away about 20,000 dollars worth of shit and took a big dump on the bathroom floor before i left. it was the least i could do.....

one time my brother and i lived together and we got all drunk on crown royal and he passed out on the couch with his hand down his pants. later on i looked over at him and he was holding his penis and he was spraying a golden shower of urine all over his chest. he never woke up. that was to this day, the funniest thing i've ever seen. you never have a camera when you need one.....

i had this english teacher in high school named mrs. leonard. she accused me of having my mother write my papers for me. bitch...... she was just jealous of my literary skills. i aced her shitty class and never cracked a book. shakespeare was gay anyway.

when my college roommate turned 21, we all went out and got drunk as balls in eskimo joes. he got sick and was throwing up, hanging his head out the window on the way home. we finally got him up to the room and got him in bed. he had a final the next day at 11, so we all signed our names on his face with a sharpie. good times.....

speaking of sharpies, i saw a sharpie commercial on t.v. the other day. something about 'write out loud' or something. hasn't sharpie already cornered the market on markers? i thought that was a huge waste of their money, but what do i know.....

so, fat people are sueing fast food companies now. that is beautiful....."uh yeah, i didn't know that eating three double cheeseburgers and two orders of large fries was bad for me. they made me fat and unhealthy and i need some money right now." possibly another episode for judge bignoggan.

"sorry fatso, i don't think so."

i went to eat at pancho's the other day. i'm not proud of it but it sounded good at the time. anyway, it seems like everytime i go in there, there is a couple that weighs upwards of a thousand lbs. combined. no different this time. this lady seemed to be burning a lot of calories, though, by raising that fucking flag up and down twenty or so times. she must have eaten thirty cheese enchiladas and ten sopapillas. i was looking at her and thinking, "my god, put the fork down before someone gets hurt." .....
i know it's bad to make fun of fat people but somebody's got to do something. it's getting out of control. i was reading the other day where fort worth is the ninth fattest city in america. i don't doubt it. have you seen our police force? jesus christ.... it's a wonder they ever catch anyone....

alright then... that's about it for today...maybe more tomorrow.

jump back jack,

peace and shit,

scott