Hello everyone. I want to thank everyone who has emailed me about the thoughts page. It has been very flattering and I'm grateful that there are some people out there who get my somewhat dissenting opinions. I would also like to thank everyone who came out to the wreck room last night to my screening party. Recently a documentary was done on me and will be airing on community cable television all month. Chris Connolly spent about a week with me and documented on video my day to day routine. If that isn't quality television, I just don't know what is. Anyway, hopefully soon we will have the dvd version on the webpage for sale. Don't even try and act like you don't want it either. Just send the money and enjoy. Also know that half of the proceeds from it will be going to my legal defense.
Well what else. I will be leaving for Stillwater tomorrow to play Chub's. It has recently reopened and I'm glad that they got in touch with me. I haven't been there since I was arrested right after a gig a few years ago. I wrapped up my final set, got paid and was arrested some ten feet outside the door. I donated my gig money to the fine police force of Stillwater and got to meet some interesting upstanding citizens who also were framed and innocent of all charges. I just heard that Bleu Edmondson, No Justice, and Django Walker are all playing tomorrow as well. That's just about my luck. I'll bet none of them have even been in jail before.
A few people have asked me what my opinion is on the war on terrorism and all the goings on lately. I've noticed that several celebrities have come out against the war and a few in favor of it. Bruce Willis even asked if he could join the forces. I really think he should stay here and stand guard on the Nakatomi Plaza though. Seeing how I view myself as a celebrity, I think I should throw my proverbial hat in the ring. And by the way, I wear a very big hat.
Back in the day when our forefathers were settling this county, some brilliant leader coined the phrase "Manifest Destiny". Which basically meant, fuck the indians and anyone else who may have been living here before we got here. It is our destiny to take over everything in our sight until we reach another big body of water because there's gold in them there hills. Well I say, why stop there? I say we should apply Manifest Destiny now and take over the world. It's the perfect oppurtunity. We are by far the most powerful country in the world and if we take everyone's shit, we can eventually open up Wal-Marts, Cracker Barrels, and 7-11's everywhere. The Middle East people may not like it at first, but wait until they eat a Big Grab Bag of Cool Ranch Dorito's and wash it down with a Slurpee that they get to make themselves. They will thank us for it and eventually forget all about their culture, religion, and other meaningless ways of life and realize that we are all created equal and have the same oppurtunities to join the middle class. Of course, we will afford them some scholarship money so they can attend our universities and other institutions of higher learning, graduate and begin waiting tables at Chili's. It's only fair.

Anyway, before anyone gets their underpants all in a wedgie, recognize sarcasm. It's a prerequisite to being on this page. My counselor told me the other day that she thinks that I use sarcasm as a defense mechanism. Yeah, a defense mechanism against stupidity. I am General Sarcastic. Join me in the War against stupidity. Our intelligence is being insulted and threatened everyday. If you don't believe me, then ask yourself this question. Who is smarter? Carrot Top, Toby Keith, Terry Bradshaw, or Alf?

Alright then. That's what I thought.

Well, I've gotta go. Jeopardy's starting. It used to be for a whole hour, but now someone in the stupid army took over at the network and found yet another job for Donny Osmond, and let's him ruin what used to be a productive half hour of my day by replacing thirty minutes of Jeopardy with him hosting $25,000 Pyramid. I think this week the celebrity guests are Tony Danza and Rikki Lake. Both high ranking officers in the stupid army whose plot it is dumben everyone they come into contact with. I encourage you to watch, but only once. I just want you to prepare yourself for what we are up against.

until next time. stay cool 4ever,

scott