i woke up just in time to puke....

thank god.

i love starting my day off with a nice healthy puke. it gives me such a great outlook on another god-given day. watching the bile and acid come out of my mouth and spill into the toilet prepares me for the wonderous thing we call life. i don't know how many mornings i puke, but i would bet it's at least 3 out 10. i recommend throwing up in the morning to all my readers. it brings clarity.

speaking of clarity....

last night i decided that i wanted to use these ear wax candles that i got in my stocking. i've never used them before and i was really interested in what might come out of my ears. i had always heard that it is an amazing experience. supposedly in the third and fourth centuries when new kings and rulers took over, they used to ear wax candles because they brought on clarity.

all they did for me was stink up the house like burnt fucking ear wax.

well, the band and i will be heading to norman to play at the deli tonight. i hope some people show up because we're doing a straight door deal and we're all broke as shit and i'm not sure if we'll be able to make it home if we don't make at least fifty bucks. we might have to move in with tic tac and eric hansen. i'm sure they'll let us. they love me.

everyone loves me.

maybe we can get a job selling pot.

and for all you stillwater fuckers, we'll be at mike's college bar on the 27th of january and at the wormy dog in okc opening for mcclure's band on the 28th. all you cocksuckers who keep signing my comment section about a stillwater show better show your face in the place.

speaking of that, let me explain something to you all......

i would love to play in a lot of towns. i think you are all under the impression that i can just call people up and they'll let me play their establishments and offer sacks of money. this is not the case. i have no booking agent. i have no manager. i have no name recognition. i have nothing but a handful of people that read my bullshit on here. this does not entitle me to anything. believe me.... i've tried. if you are interested in seeing me play in your town, then you need to do some goddamn legwork for me. contact your local bar and tell them how wonderful we are and that you would love to see us play there. then you can email me and i'll call them. hopefully, they'll let us. usually not, though.

maybe one day this will all change and my calendar will fill up effortlessly and people will be knocking my door down to represent me and manage me and i'll be able to pick and choose where i play. i wouldn't know what to do if that happened. i hear these bands bitch all the time about their pay or how much of a percentage the bar takes out of their merchandise or how they weren't offered a hotel room for free and it's all i can do not to take out an oozie and blow their bus all to hell.

i know one thing. no one can ever tell me that i didn't pay my dues.

no one.

i'll talk to you cats when i get back......

hope to see you at the deli. many thanks to tic tac for helping me out.


scott

merry christmas motherfuckers....

made it through another one.

spent all day at mom's. eating turkey and dressing like it was going out of style.
don't go messin' with my dressin'.

i stayed up late last night watching t.v.. tnt had a "law and order" marathon and court t.v had a "forensic files" marathon. an entertainment overload. a smorgasbord of drama. a plethora of action and intensity. i stayed up until about 4 watching that shit and thinking a lot about santa claus.

"a miracle on 34th street" was on and i forgot what a fucked up concept santa really is. where did we come up with that shit? a fat guy who lives on the north pole surrounded by elves and flying reindeer who delivers toys to all the good boys and girls of the world in one fucking night. that is great. and he eats cookies at every goddamn stop. i left him a couple of rocks of crack on our table. i thought he might be dragging just a little and need a little pick me up. i just can't seem to understand why we chose elves, reindeer and the north pole, though. why not a skinny dude who lives on the south pole surrounded by aborigine and flying kangaroos.

yeah, danny the red nosed kangaroo.

why does he need fucking reindeer anyway? can't he just make a goddamn jet or some shit? put those fucking elves to work.

anyhoo, i'm glad it's over. i get really tired of having to act like a give a fuck.

i remember one christmas when i was a kid, i got my neighbor's bike. he got a new one and i got his old one. santa claus brought my neighbor's bike. i asked my parents how i got his bike and they said they worked out a deal with santa, himself. i knew something was up right then. i think i already told that story last year. or the year before. oh well, fuck it.
i'm gonna tell it every son of a bitching year from now on.

i used son of a bitching because i felt that i was saying fucking and goddamn too much.
mix up my adjectives a little bit so you don't get bored. that's what us good fucking writers do. i mean good son of a bitching writers do.

i guess i'm running out of shit to say. it's all over. my run is done. the crop is stopped. the flow is no mo. the end my friend.

what to do, what to do.

i don't what it is about that goddamn movie, "That thing you Do", but i watch it everytime i pass it while i'm channel surfing. i think it sends out some kind of wavelength that puts me in a trance and hypnotizes me. maybe it's that song. it's so damn catchy and snappy. i bet i've seen it twenty five fucking times now and that's just in the last month. i'm gonna learn that song and we're gonna cover it. we'll fucking taking over the world. i'm gonna make biscuit wear shades and shit. great idea, scott. you're a genius.

i know, thanks.

i apologize to robert earl for leaving off "Merry Christmas from the Family" on my song list. an absolute great song and i can't believe i forgot it.

what about pat green doing "Frosty the Snowman"?

what a rebel. what a bold innovator. what a pioneer. what an outlaw.

frosty the snowman was a jolly happy soul.

a jolly happy soul.

that's me.

i'm a jolly happy soul.

you know why they don't make snowwomen?

it takes too long to hollow out the head.

is this on? is this on? mike check....


scott

happy holidays.....

i say that as to not offend anyone. merry christmas is a little too christian. i wouldn't want my loyal jewish or islamic readers to feel neglected, not to mention my agnostics and buddhists.

i have to say that christmas has become a fucking mockery. a goddamned joke. it is nothing but a capitalistic gang bang. another fight for the almighty consumer dollar. another knife fight with a brand new set of steak knives. another goddamned christmas cd by various country music whores. another bunch of upper class white suberbanites competing with each other on their christmas lights installed by cheap mexican labor. another gang fight between middle aged moms at the wal-mart kicking and cussing each other on who gets the next bratz toy or halo 2 game. merry fucking christmas, jesus.

it was supposed to be a holiday to celebrate the birth of jesus christ. a birth of which we aren't really sure took place on the 25th of december. more of an educated guess. a hypothesis, if you will. i'm sure jesus is flattered in what we have turned it into. i'm sure he's at the north pole making fucking toys for all the little fat ass kids right now with that fucking pedophile, santa.

if you took away christmas, you might as well blow up the malls and wal-marts. dillard's and foley's would be fucking finished. now, there would be a merry christmas.

i want to run for president on the platform....

"NO MORE FUCKING CHRISTMAS MUSIC".

is it too much to ask that there be a law installed banning christmas music until the week of christmas? they're fucking playing christmas music right after thanksgiving now.
an entire month of shit.

i'm such a scrooge.
i'm the goddamned grinch and i want to steal christmas.

i want to steal it and set it on fire. burn it down and start over. no more gifts.
no more unneeded sweaters and ties. no more tube socks. no more fucking cds that i'll never listen to. no more overpriced christmas trees with fucking candy canes and stupid ass ornaments. no more check out girls with santa hats and reindeer horns on their white trashy heads. burn it all.

i think i'm going to go write a christmas song now.

Top Five Christmas Songs

1. Blue Christmas - Elvis
2. Santa Claus is Coming to Town - Bruce Springsteen
3. White Christmas - Bing Crosby
4. Christmas in Washington - Steve Earle
5. Whatever i write tonight

i think it's gonna be called, "Santa is a Fat Fuck"

maybe not,

scott

i figured out how to change the font....

and how to change the size.

but fuck all that.


i said fuck all that.

uh oh. i'm feeling blue.

my stomach feels sick.

shit.

you bloody cocksucker.

ok. enough fun with font and colors.


i'm see that my woman bashing post got all you bitch's panties in a wad. the truth hurts sometimes.

i do apologize and i want to encourage all of you to continue burning off my life's work for free. it's the least i can do.

well, on to some important shit.

hopefully soon kevmo will quit smoking dope and get our new website up. we also will be having new band t-shirts available as well. that's where the money is.

which brings me to a point...

i have heard throughout my career certain comments about bands and artists such as, " they are business geniuses." or "they're very smart businessmen." or "they really now how to market."

in my mind, this simply means...

"they suck."

thank you.

as far as i know, no one has ever accused me of being a smart businessman.
i am very proud of that.

when i first decided that i was going to make music my life, i figured that i was getting away from corporate america and the "real" world and would be hanging out with true artists.

boy, was i fucking wrong.

most of these cocksuckers are the most fake, self-righteous, insincere, egotistical people i have ever met. if you ever find yourself wondering, " i wonder what he's like in real life."

the answer usually is, "He's a gigantic fucking dickhead."

i have noticed over the course of my blogging that i have attracted many musicians and songwriters to my site and i'm very flattered. it's nice to know that there are some guys like me in this business who realize what a fucking sham it is.

here are a few things you will never hear me say to my band:

"I think you should wear the jeans with the holes in them."
"We need to learn some catchy cover tunes"
"We need a new color scheme on our t-shirts."
"you guys are smoking way too much pot."
"No drinking before a gig."
"We really need to focus on the college crowd."
"how can we better market ourselves."
"Let's get some caps with the bills torn up."
"We need more Koozies"
"We need to be more record label friendly."
"Put more gel in your hair."
"Does my ass look good in these jeans?"

that's all i can think of right now.

here is what i really think about when i play a show, for those of you interested.

in every circle of friends that go to see live music, there is usually one person who knows his or her shit and is of a higher intelligence than the rest. their friends, in turn, listen to whatever they say is cool. these are the only people i am concerned with. they will do all the work for me, if i can convince them i am for real. that is all the marketing i need and that is why i refuse to do cheap ass cover songs and hop around and try and put on some kind of trained monkey show. i am convinced that the true music lovers see right through this and i never want to be labeled a "party band" or "a showman". i just want to play my songs to the best of my ability and win over the 10 percent of the crowd that is not fucking retards. word of mouth was and still is the best form of marketing and i will always be grateful to those who continue to support me and spread the word. i will never be able to repay you. you are the only reason i am able to do what i love.

i also want to let all of you know that the new cd will be out in february and i haven't forgot those of you who prepaid. i still have all the receipts and you will get your copy promptly. i do apologize for the wait and i thank you for your patience. i'll make it up to you.

the band will be at the bronx zoo tonight. we're looking forward to it. i hope to see some of you guys out.

be cool,

scott

so...

what the fuck...

it seems that i made a few mistakes after ranting on and on about spelling. isn't that the way life goes? but while i'm on the topic...


i realize that alot is a lot. if you check all of my previous posts, then you will see that this is true. it was obviously a typo. secondly, misspellings on medication do not count. thirdly, "i'm am a nun" is an overlooked mistake that an editor would have obviously caught. i appreciate anonymous pointing these mistakes out although he hated to. i seriously doubt that he hated it very much. i really don't think he is a he. only a woman would do shit like that. she would, however, make for a good editor. send me your resume and naked photos.

getting back to the subject, i did state previously that i am not some kind of spelling nazi and i am sticking to that. if there are a few mistakes, i will look the other way and assume they are typos. i only begin my judging process when i have a hard time understanding what the fuck they are saying and there are more mistakes than sentences.

all of you can suck my dick.

if my posts and blogs looked like the majority of yours, then i could safely bet that most of you wouldn't be reading this now. fuck off and die.

moving on.....

ferrell has brought it to my attention that i hate all women that have some kind of power. i.e. oprah, barbara streisand, hillary clinton, martha stewart.

at least these were the ones she mentioned.

of those, only barbara and martha are really despised by me. i rag on oprah, but i realize that she is trying to make the world a better place. every once in a while, she has a show on that i enjoy. and i am appalled that she brought up hillary. i absolutely love that bitch.
i want that cunt to be president.

now, barbara, on the other hand, i do hate. i fucking hate her so much it's not healthy. the weird thing about my hatred for her is i don't even know why i hate her. i just know i do. she is a fucking bitch and i just know it in my bones. well, i take that back. i do know one reason why i hate her. her fucking sold-out concert tour where she charges a fucking thousand dollars a ticket makes me vomit. a thousand fucking dollars to see your fucking fat ass do cover tunes. please.. why don't you write a song or learn how to play an instrument before you go charging a thousand bucks to sing to a bunch of queers? i don't know what the percentage of homosexuals in her audience is, but i'm sure it's staggering. her movies suck, she sucks, and that is that.

martha stewart represents everything i hate about women. she is the poster child for a cunt. a money hungry, power mongoring, lying, cheating, cunt. and now she's trying to smuggle in drugs to prison. there you go, women. your hero. i'll tell you what martha needs, about 4 loads shot in her face.

maybe that was a little too graphic.

i think my point was that she needs a man to fuck her like the whore that she is.

there. that was better.

speaking of all this woman hating.....

i realize that i am a bit of a male chauvinist and that i may tend to portray that men are superior to women, but that is for one simple reason....

men are superior to women.

any of you women who don't know that are only kidding yourself and your ignorance is running rampant throughout your tiny fragile little body.

we are bigger, stronger, faster, and smarter. period.

the quicker you learn this, the better off you will be.

now, assuming there is a god.

why do you think he created men so much bigger and stronger than women?

i don't know for sure, but my guess is that he wanted to make sure you bitches knew your goddamn place. men are superior creatures. your job is to help us make more of us.

speaking of god....
here's some scripture on this topic. i've probably already shared it before, but who gives a fuck?

timothy 1 chapter 2 verses 11-12
"Women should listen and learn quietly and submissively. I do not let women teach or have authority over men. Let them be silent."

i think that about sums it up.

thanks god.

i can hear all you bitches now. go look it up. i dare you.

in all seriousness,
let's look at the facts..

fastest human being - a man
strongest human being - a man
highest i.q. ever - a man
inventor of the airplane, automobile, computer, television, radio, light bulb, telephone - a man
greatest writers and poets - men
greatest guitar player - a man
greatest piano player - a man
greatest songwriter - a man

even in your area of cooking, the greatest chefs are men.

i would love to see the nba champion take on the wnba champion.
that would be just a little microcosm of what i'm talking about.

none of this billie jean king versus a sixty year old bobby riggs bullshit.

you women can't even play sports without fucking each other.

you are all pathetic little weaklings and i am sick of pretending otherwise.

but...

you got the pussy,


scott

it's late....
and i'm up.
as always.

i don't know why sometimes i put a bunch of periods at the end of sentences.....
and then sometimes not.

i do what i want with my punctuation. you can't break the rules until you understand them.

i thought that i'd talk a bit about spelling. it seems that some of you have no concern for your use of language and do not feel the least bit embarrassed about how you portray yourself in words.

now, i'm am not some kind of spelling nazi, but there is a direct correlation between the number of misspelled words in a person's post and how big a dumbass i think you are.

i realize that some of you do not know how to use a spellcheck and are not good spellers, but i would like you to know that when you misspell words repeatedly, those of us who do know how to spell begin to realize you're a fucking retard and your opinion should not even be considered.
if you want to be heard, it is of utmost importance that you appear to be of a higher education. no one wants to read what someone on a third grade reading level has to write. i'm not saying it is right, it's just the way it is.

my father is not a good speller at all. i remember when i was younger, he would always ask me how to spell things when he was writing a speech. although he can't spell very well, you wouldn't know it by his writing. he uses a dictionary and makes sure his words are correct. this, in and of itself, makes him seem more intelligent. he is at least wise enough to be ashamed of his misspellings. i advise all of you that can't fucking spell, to take note of this.

i understand that most of you are not near as intelligent as i, but that does not mean that you have to prove it everytime you type a sentence. have some goddamn pride in yourself, for christ's sake.

for example:

if you were to post a comment ragging on me and it went something like this.....

"scott, your'e so goddammed ignurunt. all you do is talk shit about peoples cause and you think you are so much smarder than everyone. i'll bet you woul'dnt talk so much shit if you were out and i saw you or some shit. yo'ure a pussy and you know it and i oudda fuck you up and i would if i saw you out like i said erlier."

it wouldn't probably bother me that much.

however, if it was written something along these lines...

"Scott, you are obviously a sad pathetic human being who can't feel good about anything unless he brings down everything around him. You glamorize drug use, degrade women, write childish corny songs about weed in every other attempt, cannot play the guitar at all and are an embarrassment on the harmonica, and i for one am ashamed to have read a single one of your so-called thoughts. They are more like excrements and i hope you continue to live your life in obscurity. You really should seek therapy because you are a narcissistic egomaniacal asshole of extreme proportions."

it might bother me for a while.

i'll bet i get some good bashing tomorrow. that's the kind of motherfucker i am, though. always trying to help.

what else....

i just got done watching "real sex 15" or some shit. it had this orgy club on there. couples have to go through a screening process and are required to write an essay that is judged by the orgy host. she is a stickler for spelling as well. the essay had to be on your sexual fantasies.

here is mine. i just sent it in.

"Thank you for considering my essay for entry into your fuck club. My name is Scott Copeland and I enjoy fucking very much. My sexual fantasies include having as many women as possible lick my balls and cock simultaneously while having huge titties bounce in my face. My dick is of average length but i've been told it has tremendous girth and I would enjoy sticking it in several pussies at one of your parties while i'm am dressed up like a nun.
Thank you.
Address enclosed."

i don't know if i'll hear back from her or not.

in all sincerity, i could never participate in an orgy. i would be a little freaked out. maybe if i was all fucking drunk or something.

shit, maybe i have been in an orgy.

peace and buttgrease,

scott

sorry for not posting all week, but you know how it is......

i've had a cold for three days and enough snot has come out of my nose to flood a small village.

i'm on a benadryl, claridin high right now. kinda groovy. sort of like a codeine and wine drunk on a little psycolibin mushroom trip.

well, a lot has happened since i posted last.

dimebag darrell is dead. that is a shame and a senseless tragedy and i don't really have much to say other than the obvious. which is what no one seems to be saying.

people are fucking stupid.

there.

why does no one ever shoot clay aiken, for christ's sake?
now there would be a christmas special i would tune in for.

the only thing i found to be of interest was hearing peter jennings and tom brokaw say "dimebag". the uneasiness in their voices probably put a smile on darrell's face where ever he is now. i'm sure it's better than this shithole.

i have to admit, i was never a fan of pantera. i can't stand speed thrash metal. without a doubt, my least favorite form of music. if you can even call it music. that shit makes me a nervous wreck. if i hear one song, i have to listen to willie for at least a week to recover.

being the lovable egomaniac that i am, i couldn't help but think about someone shooting me at a show. my political and religious rants can't be helping. i've decided to do something to prevent it from ever happening, though.

instead of someone shooting me at a show,........i'm going to shoot everyone first.

i can see the headlines now....

"a local fort worth musican and songwriter shoots everyone in his audience and kills 4 people dead."

moving right along.....

one hour later...

i've been listening to the "red headed stranger". it goes great with benadryl.

i've always thought that i am the most honest person i know and yet lately i have realized how often i lie. however, i usually don't lie to be dishonest. i lie to avoid further conversation.

ex: some person: "hey, have you ever heard of the band "So and so" ?"
me: "yes and i think they suck"

this usually eliminates any further conversation.

another example is....

checkout girl at wal-mart: "how are you?"
me: "fine"

the truthful answer would be...."a lot better as soon as get out of this fucking place"
but the answer, "fine" usually gets me in and out quicker.

i had my eyes checked today. my mother decided to get me glasses for christmas. i've been squinting for 15 years now. i went through a couple of dozen pairs of frames before finding one that i hated the least. the lady helping me was a young woman probably in her mid twenties and i asked her if she had any frames like buddy holly and she goes, "Who's Buddy Holly?"

nevermind.

i was gonna ask for some john lennon frames but i decided against it.

john lennon was in this short lived band back in the sixties called the beatles. maybe you've heard of them. dumb bitch.

well, i'm going to go into a coma.

comas are cool......


scott

killed off another day...

dead.

now i sit here staring at this goddamn screen again. trying to enhance your pathetic little lives.

i can feel your excitement as you check my site for the umpteenth time hoping that i might have taken a little time out of my busy schedule to jot down some bullshit.

which it is.

it is all bullshit.
do not forget it.

i don't know what i'm going to say and i don't fucking care. i'm just bored and i enjoying seeing what i have to say as much as you do.

pause for a cig.....

i like to smoke while i type. i usually talk out what i'm typing as i'm doing it and it's cool to watch my cigarette move up and down as the words come out of my mouth. especially when i say "motherfucker".

motherfuckermotherfuckermotherfucker.

that shit is cool, yo.

here's some random shit off the top of my head:

my hair looks cool right now.
i want a new guitar.
my back hurts.
i lost my virginity in a silverado pick up truck.
under a billboard.
chuck taylors are the coolest tennis shoes of all-time.
i hate bowling.
steve martin plays the banjo.
i ate chicken enchiladas tonight.
i wonder what garth brooks is doing right now.
i didn't shower today.
or yesterday.
barry bonds is a lying cheating cocksucker.
clay aiken can suck a terd out of my ass.
my butthole itches.

pause....

cats are so much cooler than dogs.
dogs are needy creatures. just like women.
i don't have time for dogs. i barely have time for women.
cats just mind their own goddamn business. i want to be a cat.

"if men were as much men as my cat were a cat, then the world could begin." --charles bukowski

true dat, buk.

dear god, in my next life please let me come back as a cat. amen.

i've been thinking about getting traynor to come write for my site since we were both fired from mac's site. we were just too much comp. remind me to email that fucker and ask him.
the traynor files. yeah. we need some of that shit.
traynor, if you're reading this....
email me motherfucker and get of your ass and do something with your life.

hopefully, my new site will be ready soon. i don't know what the hold up is. kevmo's probably fucking stoned again eating another box of macaroni and cheese.

dude, i've got some cool ideas for this new site. you're gonna dig it.

i think dig is a cool word. dig. dig it. dig your deal. dig a hole. dang diggy diggy dang. dig dug.

i've had a few people mention my thoughts to me lately and they all said the same thing.

they said......"we love you because you say what everybody else is thinking but afraid to say."

is that true?
does everybody else think what i say?

i don't think so motherfucker.
i'm a goddamn groundbreaking thinker.

fuck all that.

well, i think i've rattled off enough bullshit for one day.

"the only thing i know about art is that it's a word short for arthur." ---keith richards

kissmyassfully,

scott

sometimes i wonder...
sometimes i ponder...
sometimes i think...

today has been a day of wondering. i wonder a lot. i tend to think that i wonder an awful lot more than the average guy. sometimes i wish that i didn't wonder so much. i wonder about things that i have no business wondering about. things like....

i wonder who came up with the word wonder..
i wonder why they called her wonderwoman. she didn't wonder about a fucking thing.
i wonder why they didn't spell it wunder.
i wonder why i am doing this stupid ass shit right now.

most of the time i wish i didn't wonder so much. in fact, i do things to prevent myself from wondering. like drinking and watching basketball and taping porn.

which brings us to the wonderful topic of pornography....

seeing how this is sunday and another installment of the church of scott's thoughts, i figured i might make "pornography" my topic of sermonizing today.

gather round, gather round....

i was just reading the paper the other day and there was this minister who holds a men's study group and one of his members decided to send all the other members an email and admit that he is addicted to pornography. he felt that he needed to confess his sins and this confession caused the minister to feel guilty and admit that he too, was a pornography addict.

well, come to find out....almost all those motherfuckers were addicted to porn.

this led the minister to start a series of sermons at his sunday church service on pornography. he stated that he was very nervous about how the congregation would feel about it and much to his surprise, record numbers of people were turning up on sundays. so much so that they had to bring in folding chairs and shit.

i got a good chuckle out of that. i began to think that i may start going back to church.

now, i know that many women view pornography as degrading to women and i have to disagree vehemently.

the porn industry is the only industry in the world where women make more money than men. period. how is that degrading? the porn industry is the only industry that recognizes the talent of women and honors them accordingly.

now, i hope i'm not giving away too much here. but for you women who read this, if you really want to get to know your man. watch porn. lots of it. study it. examine it. embrace it. become it and watch your relationship blossom into complete harmony.

i am dr. vinny. the relationship doctor.

men spend a billion dollars a year on porn. a billion.
why do we do that?
because you won't do what the porn stars will. that's why.

now, for the record....
here are some of my favorite and least favorite porn scenes...

first off, i hate the dp.
that's double penetration for those of you who aren't in the biz.
actually, i don't particularly care for any two guy one girl scenes. one penis per scene is plenty.

however, i'm a huge fan of the two girl one guy scene.
somewhat of a double standard, you might say.
yeah.
so.
what.

secondly, i don't care for facials. i prefer my cum shots on tits. the ass, if the woman is not big breasted.

i'm a big fan of peter north and his fine work. probably the finest porn actor of our day.
i used to own a porn called "the best of peter north". absolute greatness. somebody stole that motherfucker and if i ever find out who i'm going to shoot them on sight.

jenna jamison is my favorite actress.
i also owned "the best of jenna" which was stolen as well.

jenna and peter together is just pure fucking art. tracy and hepburn don't have shit on them.

i am a fan of a good lesbian scene, but i don't really care for the strap on dildo. kinda weirds me out a little. however, a double sided dildo is a gooder and a definite scene booster.

i think maybe i've shared too much.

if you're reading this mom, i was just kidding.

i don't watch that filth.

merry christmas,

scott

i am so in the christmas spirit. i wish they would start playing christmas music even sooner. like in august or something. i love christmas music. christmas music all the time, non-stop. uninterrupted christmas music. if only we could have christmas every day.

i watched "a nick and jessica family christmas" last night and it really put me in the christmas spirit. i just want to go out caroling in the neighborhood. i really love those two. that part where jessica stuck her tongue on the icy pole was so fucking funny. and original. they are groundbreaking artists and i hope they continue to do their christmas show every year. i love seeing 98degrees reunions and an ashlee and jessica duet of "the little drummer boy". my fucking christmas came early.

do you smell that? somebody stepped in some sarcasm.

jessica simpson is making millions of dollars playing up to her stupidity. i wonder how she feels about that.

"Hi, I'm Jessica Simpson, and i'm a fucking dumb bitch."

i don't know what that is. maybe a new commercial for pizza hut or something. now, i'm an adman. yeah here it is.

"Hi, I'm Jessica Simpson and i'm so fucking stupid. buy some shit from pizza hut."

3 million dollars. done.

i am a marketing genius.

i can't wait until their divorce. i give it two more years tops. that is my prediction. mark it.


i was reading on the internet the other day and found out that toby keith collected 3 and half million dollars for his brilliant ford truck commercial. 3 and half million. that is mind boggling. i absolutely loved the part where he's hitchhiking and turns the ride down from a chevy truck. i'll bet toby keith has never hitchhiked a day in his money hungry life.

here would be my commercial....

scene: toby keith hitchhiking.....

then i come flying over the top of the hill doing a hundred in a chevy and run right over his fucking ass.

scene ends as i light up a cigarette and laugh my ass off.

if there are any chevy executives reading this, please contact me immediately and have 4 million dollars in cash ready.

i can hear you all now....

"Scott, you're just jealous. if they offered you 3 and half million dollars to do a commercial, you'd do it so fast our heads would spin."

okay, let me explain something to you. they would never offer me 3 million dollars to do a commercial because i don't have any money. do you understand,... finally? they only offer 3 million dollars to people who already have 3 million dollars. do you see? can you grasp that concept? only millionaires do commercials for millions because toby wants more fucking money. more money more money more money. because that is what art is all about. more money and commercialism.

and secondly, eat a bag of shit.

i think i've already covered this topic completely.

but you know what....

i'll cover it again as much as i fucking want to and guess what?

you'll keep fucking reading it.
because you have nothing better to do than read what's coming off the top of my head.

which it is.

please blog scott, enlighten us, share your wisdom, be funny, talk about this or talk about that.....
we are your pathetic readers and we must know what you think about all subjects at all times.

you are our drug and we are addicted to you. we cannot stop reading no matter how much we try. our lives are empty without you.

do you see children? i do this for you. for you. because i love you.

and it's free....

so there.

don't say i never gave you anything,

scott